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What to do Before Marrying a Second Wife!


My advice to brothers who are in polygamy or are about to go into it is to please do following for peace and love to reign:
Tell the one(s) at home before you go for additional one(s).
Please be patient with the wife at home because it's normal to react no matter how little. Jealousy is a natural phenomenon.

Increase the gifts towards the first wife. Like servicing her car, fueling the car buying her airtime and other good things. Do these with no intention of receiving thanks and do not be frustrated and stop doing them. Continue doing these. You may even get insults like "Are you doing all these because of the new wife?".
All these should not bother you as a man. The scenario of accepting another wife is like beating someone and telling her not to cry. It's either you stop the beating or you tolerate the tears and  cries. When you bring in another wife, it's like giving the wife at home some serious beating. So as a man expect reactions and be ready for them. Reiterate your love towards her verbally and non- verbally. Expressing it may be more meaningful e.g "I love you, my dear, even with second or third wife you're still very important to me."And even with this, don't expect applause, rather expect hisses and sneers as your response until she begins to trust you again. Increase your intimacy level by requesting for sex frequently such that the first wife will ask you what you are looking for again with her after all you have got another wife that is giving you what she as first wife cannot give you anymore. Don't give up just continue begging as if you're just courting.
Don't share issues of intimacy among them. 
Never complain of the inadequacy of one person in the presence of another.
Be fair in dealing with them.
Fear Allah.
Never make the mistake of telling the first wife what does she want again after 2,3, 5, 15, 30yrs of marriage with you. Treat her as a new wife. Consider her opinion on any issue and let her know she has value to add towards the family. Do not encourage the second wife to sit in the front seat if the 3 of you are going out together. Yes, they are mates Islamically but one person became your wife ahead of the other person. So, with this, at least, let the first wife be honored and shown respect. I say this because she has been in that position of being in the front seat before the second wife so when you ask her to sit in the back seat, it looks like relegating her or demoting her. It sounds silly, but issues like these can cause disharmony, as little as it is.

Tell the second wife to show more understanding as the price to pay for peace to reign. She has not got used to you like the first wife has. Do not use harsh words to stop your wife's tears; appreciate the emotions and be there for her at this time when her husband is taking another wife. Pray for her and her children every morning, every time. See polygamy as jihad so that you will not be the cause of someone hating what Allah has permitted. Remember  Non-Muslims will not read Quran and Hadith, they will read you and me. They will read Islam they way we live our lives. Don't pretend, be reasonable. Do more than what I have listed if the first wife is going through infertility challenges. Do not add salt to injury.
If Allah tries the family with unexpected challenges do not associate it with either of the wives be they young  or old. 
May Allah help us to make polygamy Hujjah for us and not against us.

MAY ALLAH GRANT US UNDERSTANDING!!!

Comments

  1. dankdFebruary 6, 2019 at 8:33 AM

    Ameen but some times is the wife that use to push the husband to start looking for second wife because of her bad attitudes, Disrespect & Bad Manners towards him, May Allah grant us the strength to overcomes all challenges in marriages Ameen

    ReplyDelete

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